Just putting this link here for a reminder that I want to do something with it later. And this one too.

Related to above sentence.

Latin service

At 2 p.m. on Sundays, the Rev. Arthur Jakobiak celebrates Mass in Latin at the San Miguel Mission, 401 Old Santa Fe Trail. The Mass is supported by the Latin Mass Community of Santa Fe and is approved by Archbishop Michael J. Sheehan and the Archdiocese of Santa Fe.

Sunday Mass is celebrated in the traditional liturgy at 5 p.m. at the mission.

He is Born...

And I'll pick up with the rest of Christmas 2007 later.

Oh Come, Oh Come, Emmanuel.

The anticipation of Christmas usually starts for me in late November. I'm not the kind of person who digs out the Christmas Tree and puts it up the weekend after Thanksgiving, I don't go shopping on Black Friday nor do I get it done early in the year. Christmas is more to me than presents, bad fruitcake and sappy Christmas music. (There are some songs that I just want to know why the hell they were ever recorded. Gag me with a spoon!) And while I've always recognized the birth of Christ, lately it was almost forgotten in the midst of all the hype. This year, I really dwelt on His birth and the meaning of His life to the world. I thought about things I hadn't thought about in a long time and I totally felt like Christmas meant something again. From the first day of Advent, through today, the Solemnity of Mary, I totally listened, felt it and absorbed it all.

Yes... I still liked the part about the presents. I loved spending time with my family and friends, decorating my tree (which I got up late and may not come down till mid-January. It's fake), but there is so much more to Christmas when you stop and reflect on what it all means. Sure you can celebrate it in a non-religious, secular way without thinking about Joseph and Mary and their arduous journey to Bethlehem, you don't even have to think about the baby Jesus laying in a manger on that morning to celebrate Christmas, but I can't. I never could. From the minute my mother pulled out her aunt's nacimiento (nativity set) with its many pieces, I'd find myself totally fascinated by miniture representation the Birth of Christ. I'd secretly play with the pieces (she has all the stable animals, a few shepherds, a host of angels, the Magi and of course the Holy Family. She would decorate with lights, tree branches and fake snow. I'd play with it in secret, reenacting the story of the nativity as I knew it as a child. I haven't thought about that memory in a long time, but I've always known what Christmas was all about. As I grew older, I got my own set, one of those commercial sets sold at Price Club (Costco-- as it's called now) It's pretty, but nowhere as charming or meaningful as my mom's set, which my great aunt collected piece by piece from dime stores like Woolworth or TG&Y stores. For a long time I put up my set, just like Mom did with the boughs, lights and fake snow, but it wasn't the same. I'd put it up when I'd do the tree, then later on Christmas Eve as that seemed more "authentic" and finally a few years ago I stopped putting it up. It was just another decoration to lug out of the garage. This year, as I've grown stronger and have renewed my faith, I put up a nativity, but it's not the one from the garage. A bit before Christmas my dad bought me a new set-- it's by a local Santero (an original I couldn't afford) I really like. While it's a mass production piece it's still quite beautiful and has meaning to me. This set, at least the nicho and the Holy Family will probably never go into the garage for a 11 months in anticipation of the next Christmas. So... while I won't play with the pieces and reenact the nativity, I have that feeling again.

A Sundry of Things.

Nearly a month ago I logged on to read my syndicated feeds on my LJ and was a bit saddened to read that one of the blogs I enjoy most is ending its run. Probably a little over a year ago, I was doing some research for my second novel. (I have one that's 3/4th finished, another probably 7/8th finished and one that is about half done, the second.) One night I found myself googling up information about the Catholic Priesthood. I believe my search string was something about the daily life of a priest and I found Father Jim Tucker's blog and a post he made on the subject. I then started reading his blog and found myself enjoying it quite immensely. Now, I am a cradle Catholic, who drifted in and out of the faith for some of my adult years, but I had a decent Catholic education so I thought I knew a lot about the faith-- well, I've learned a lot in the last year or so as I've been reading and researching for my story. I've definitely found a lot of insight, information and history in his blog. He's eloquent, smart, honest and someone I think worth knowing in real life. Also, a hell of a lot smarter than me. ;-) I was not a commenter or really interacted with him, but his blog is greatly appreciated. Through his blog, I've discovered great resources and other blogs of interest, which is good, however, when he announced last month that he posted his last post, I was a bit bummed to see that he's leaving the blogosphere, but it's totally understandable as I've been on LJ for nearly 6 years and have started growing wearing and tired of journaling myself. There is only so much fangirl squee I can muster these days.

I've only started on blogger this last year, this journal is pretty much a big secret as I don't really to it or announce that it exists on public forums. As I pretty much stated in one of my first entries this is my quiet place while I explore "real life" things and my faith. On LJ, I have a writing journal, which I rarely update and a fandom journal. I know many of the people on my friends list in "real life" and it's pretty much the only place I stay in touch with them these days, so that's why I haven't left LJ, but I don't post all that often
these days. Most of my deep thoughts I save to post over here and sometimes I don't even do that.

Posts about my faith have been really few. It's interesting because there are lots of interesting things I stumble upon or feel like sharing, but I guess I'm just not ready to post about it. I haven't updated my blog roll yet. There are definitely a lot of blogs of note that I read, but I've been too lazy to make mention of them yet. Maybe this year, I will try to do that.

Ah, words... sometimes they fail me...

So, a little before my last post I started working at one of the local papers. I knew it was a temp gig and that I was only filling in for the person who was out on sick leave. I hoped it would go through the end of the year but she came back on Monday. Man, you don't know how bored I was on Monday when I didn't go in to the Newsroom. I made my mom go shopping with me and did all sorts of stuff just to keep myself busy. At first the thought of working full-time was daunting and I kind of dreaded starting a new job, especially while I was still working at real estate. I am ready to give it up, IF and that's a huge word right now, something opened up for me at the paper. I'm hoping to get a shot at free-lance writing and I hope that I can prove to myself that I can still do journalism. (I can't believe I'm full of self-doubts about my writing. I write every day... fiction, not news.)

While there are things I really like about real estate, I'm not passionate about it, I'm not overly good at it and I'm definitely not self-disciplined enough to really make a career out of it. I'm kind of scared about the freelance writing gig as well. As long as there is work, I'll be able to do it, but I need to have a daily routine to keep me in the groove.

I have lots of balls in the air at the moment, I hope they all don't come crashing to the ground at the same time.

The Things I Never Knew...

The Vatican has an observatory and an official (well retired) astronomer. I wonder if he has a replacement? Interesting.

I think one of my biggest fantasies is to wander the many rooms and buildings inside and around the Vatican, its library and private collections just to see what's inside.

Little steps

After about 6 months, maybe a little less, I finally became a member of the church where I've been going. I've never been a member of any parish on my own as an adult. This past weekend I signed a pledge that I'd support the church a certain amount every week. When it all comes out, it's not all that much per year, (I really can't afford a lot) and I don't mind giving. I just realized that if I'm going to promise to give the church money, I should "officially" join. I've been wanting to join for many other reasons as well.

My parents were a member of the "Mother Church" downtown for their entire lives. They may still be on the record books as being members. I was baptized, confirmed and made my first communion there, then I graduated from high school and pretty much stopped going to church. I'd go from time to time at the Newman Center at College with my sorority sisters and friends, but I wasn't part of the community. I didn't really feel like I needed the church in college.

Like one of my characters, I felt (back then) that it was antiquated and far too conservative for me. Yet, I have always believed in something. I'm not going to deny the fact that I'm a political liberal and sometimes feel a bit at odds with the conservative nature of the church especially as a whole. BUT... I'm also not so sure that priestly celibacy is a bad thing and while I'm a feminist, I don't accept the notion that women should be priests. Right now they cannot and probably never will be in my life time, but I don't think that's such a bad thing either. (Funny, how just a few years ago I thought I'd like to see those two things change one day, but in now I don't.) Yes, there are married priests in the Catholic church-- they've come from other religions and have been dispensed of the requirements of celibacy. I'm sure they are assets to the church and I accept that. I'm glad they are part of our church. The enhance it and probably make it a lot better. Maybe one day celibacy will be an optional thing and maybe it will work. I just am (surprisingly) more traditional than I thought. I'm not big on hand-holding during the "Our Father" or all the other gestures that seem to have come to the church since the days I went away. I've yet to see liturgical dance, Mom says it does happen in our parish, and I might just cringe at the sight of it, or maybe I'll go with the flow and accept it for what it is. Who knows?

The priests at my church are quite orthodox, quite human and reverent. I don't go around looking for mistakes or liturgical abuses, (as so many people seem to do and complain about in Catholic forums, blogs and newsgroups Oy vey... that's a whole other post.) that's not why I go to Mass. I go to hear the words of God and the Lord read, celebrate the sacrifice of the Mass and listen to what words father has to say that day. They're usually always right, thought provoking or pertinent to what's going on in the world today. I've never heard a light and fluffy homily yet.

So while I'm also very fond of tradition, I am also fond of the open mindedness and tolerance of my local archdiocese. It's progressive, while rooted in tradition, culture and history. It embraces and accepts, rather than rejects and casts aside. That's probably why I am able to practice Catholicism. I'm probably naive enough to think it's like that everywhere, but probably cynical enough to know otherwise.

Despite the "lost years", I've always felt Catholic. I have been around other faiths enough to know they don't fit. Catholicism, to me, is like a comfortable pair of old slippers. Always there and always comfortable. No matter how bad I feel come the end of the day my slippers always fit. I can pretty much walk into any Catholic church and find something I need: peace, soothing words, God, love... so...after all these years I've joined the parish where I've been going. I joined under my own name and we'll see where I go from there.

Back to my characters. It's interesting in how in one story one character goes back to the church and the other, probably never will. She will always be Catholic but I don't know if that particular character will find herself fully and wholly Catholic again.

The other interesting bit about this, my characters are first cousins (main characters in their own stories respectively). If anything my stories show where I've been in the last ten years I think.

Quiz Time...

I'm headachey...

So why am I taking quizzes? I should lie down till dinner.

You are 87% educated in Catholic truths!

Wow! You are totally educated in the Catholic faith. A real genius! Have you thought of teaching the faith to others? Be sure to share your wealth of knowledge with those who need it.

Catholic Truths
Take More Quizzes

You are a 92% traditional Catholic!

Congratulations! You are more knowlegeable than most modern theologians! You have achieved mastery over the most important doctrines of the Catholic Faith! You should share your incredible understanding with others!

Do You Know Your Baltimore Catechism?
Make Your Own Quiz

Boo! You Scared Yet.

So... I'm glad to know that I'm a Catholic and a relatively sane one. I have the "documentary" channel on my DISH line up and just saw (passively) a documentary on some Evangelical church (probably in the bible belt) about the "Hell House" it does every year. I've seen news pieces on these alternatives to haunted houses and yes, they scare me... not because I'm worried about my soul or anything about that because I don't find any truth in that sort of message.

I've also read an interesting thread on a Catholic news forum. I've believed nor was lead to believe that there was anything intrinsically evil about Halloween. (I don't like dressing up in costume-- I didn't as a kid, I don't know. I don't care for costume balls either) but I enjoy watching kids in their costumes, passing out candy is a lot of fun and I know if I am lucky enough to have my own child one day, I will do the Halloween scene with my kid)
But lately, I've read more about how Halloween is evil, Satanic and just not at all a good thing. There is evil that happens on Halloween, but I believe it's man-made evil, which has nothing to do with Satan. I believe True Evil exists but I don't think that it all comes out on Halloween. It's all around us a, but I also don't believe that "the Devil made me do it" is the eve before All Saints Day and it's not a bad thing.

Their version of Christianity is not what I believe nor what I grew up to believe as a Catholic. I don't believe that I believe blindly nor do I feel like my faith (and religion) is any better-- Catholicism has its faults-- but it just makes so much more sense to me. To others, it doesn't, but I wasn't taught to hate, condemn or judge anyone when I was growing up. I know other non-Catholic Christians who feel and believe just as I do, but some of these Christian Extremists, as I think that these folks are, exist only to create fear and hate, not love and peace which should be the true message of Christ. I just found myself sitting here perplexed at all the effort these Christians put into these "productions" when they could be doing something so much productive than using scare tactics to evangelize.

Updated: I read later, that the creator of Hell House came from Roswell, NM (I believe) so... it didn't realy come from the bible belt per se.

All Saints Day...

I've been unintentionally absent from this blog. I have a post that I am still trying to articulate in my head before I actually sit down to write it. I'm just muddling through life and working through a lot of things.

But I continue on my journey back to the Catholic Church. Honestly I don't think I've really been that far away and I've always known that I'd never become any other religion. My non-denominational and evangelical acquaintances (some family and maybe even a few friends) have all invited to me to their churches and services but I usually politely say no thank you, I'm Catholic and not interested. I've never had a negative reaction-- and oddly enough they have not pressured me to come to their church once they discover I'm Catholic.

Lately, I don't know if it's because I've been doing a lot of reading and studying about Catholicism these days-- (as I'm writing a story which is turning out to be very, very heavy on the Catholicism. I hope it's not heavy handed, preachy and not overly religious because that's not the story I planned to tell. But when you make a main character have a brother who is a priest, some of that inevitably comes out. I really hope my story is rational and that someone who isn't Catholic can read it and enjoy it) -- and I've also become quite aware of all the anti-Catholicism out there. I really grew up in an unique place. Most of my peers were Hispanic and Catholic and so I never felt any animosity based on my ethnic background or religion, but with the Internet times are a changing.

Also, I've discovered that there are a lot of Catholics (I think maybe a small percentage) that I just can't agree with or understand. I won't deny that I'm liberal politically and socially. I'm pragmatic and try to see the world with eyes wide open. I'm not saying that a lot of Catholics don't, but sometimes, when I see or read something so conservative, so utterly "evangelical-like" or ludicrous my mind boggles. I'm totally not making any sense and will have to come back and think these thoughts through.

Nonetheless, the Internet is an interesting place. I'm leaving this a bit cryptic and will save my thoughts for another time-- however, I wonder if I could be comfortable worshiping in a Catholic church/parish/diocese that isn't like my own?

Spiritual Renewal

Spiritual Renewal.

I just came back from making the annual procession to the Cross of the Martyrs. It's the last event of the annual Fiesta. The fiestas have always had a religious aspect, but most people participate in the secular stuff, the burning of Zozobra, the two parades, the fashion show, the parties, balls, melodramas etc. But originally, the Fiestas were just religious-- they still are-- but they seem to get overshadowed by everything else. I've never done the religious celebrations. Tonight Mom, who in her 70 years or so of living, had never participated in the candlelight procession. I've spent the whole day with her and it was quite lovely. Anyway, we met the rest of our "parish" (we aren't officially members of the church we attend. I think we're still on the rolls at the Cathedral Basilica but that's where we felt most comfortable) in front of the the cathedral to walk up to the cross of the martyrs to complete the fiestas. It was an incredibly beautiful and spirtual moving experience. The marachis' played and we song the old, beautiful Spanish songs which I grew up with, it was a pretty solemn walk but it was truly fun too. Of course, I hate walking in processions because EVERYONE WALKS SO SLOW. I have no patience for little strides. But that's ok. At the top , there was a service, supposedly ecumenical, but it's truly obvious that this is still largely a Catholic town.

My family has been part of Santa Fe/Northern NM for over 400 years. It's been really wonderful participating in the old traditions of my family and renewing my faith in the spiritual and religious traditions I grew up with as well. I hope that I do have a child or two to pass down my culture, my history and even my faith to among other things.

Hmmm... also, I saw a really attractive guy tonight. He actually looked a lot like what I envision one of my characters to look like in my novel. :::sigh:::


This is what it looks like by day. There is some good history



Also, I must show this to my mother: "I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult." - Rita Rudner

Just for a Moment...

I feel confident and fearless. Most of the time, I'm a ball of insecurity and a wreck. I'm thinking of making some pretty major life changes-- switching careers, having a baby, the fitness thing-- I waver from actually committing to do it and back to my comfort zone of status quo of not doing a thing different.

Problem is my status quo right now isn't a very happy place to be. A job change would be great. I could fuel my passion for words, a baby would bring worlds of joy and excitement to my life, also some stress and drama, but all good and of course fitness, that's just a given and a necessity. But it's so easy to stay in the comfort zone... even though I don't want to. I know the answer. It requires a change of thinking, a way of life and a way of making a living.

I haven't been sleeping. I think I'm drinking too much black tea at night, so the caffeine keeps me awake, but I have so many thoughts drifting through my head that I think that is what is keeping me awake. I wonder if other writers write in their minds like I do? Sometimes, it drives me crazy, but since I was a kid I've always been making up stories, most of them manage to make their way to paper/computer, but it's always an ongoing process.

Fall has arrived... so let's burn him already...

Live Stream of Santa Fe's Annual Pagan Festival. Hee.

I didn't want to go with 18k of my nearest and dearest to the park this year to watch the burning of Zozobra. I do like to go from time to time, but it might have been a good time to go, as I'm a bit doomy and gloomy. Blech.

Here's the history of the old man gloom.

Quiet Reflections...

My favorite time of year is swiftly approaching. I love the fall. I love how the light bends and casts a g0lden hue over the earth. I love crisp, cool days, where it's chilly enough for a light sweater but warm enough to drink an iced venti chai outside on the patio at Starbucks. Today, we had a rain shower and even in my high off the ground 4Runner, I needed an ark. It's such a shame that all that rain that falls pretty much washes away. Eventually it makes it to the arroyo but I don't think much of that water gets recaptured, which is truly a shame.

So... I thought this was going to be my spiritual, mostly Catholic Blog, but I may transition over my personal, more quiet reflections from LJ over to here. I suppose if I put it as catholic with a little "c" it could be my "universal" blog. Hee!

The excitement of the whole world of fangirl blogging and fandom is waning for me. It's been about 11 years I've been a fangirl. It's hard to believe that probably 11 or 12 years ago I first got on the Internet, discovered the world of use.net. Alt.TV.Highlander was my hangout for many years. I met some fabulous people because of that TV show. I dragged my best friend into the fandom and we made many good friends. Some I still talk to just about everyday. Who says the Internet is bad?

Internet dating. So not going to happen for me.

Speaking of Highlander. The 4th movie, probably the worst of the bunch, but it has my boys in it, will air this month. So... I don't forget it comes on SciFi channel Sept. 15. I need to turn my DISH back on. I've had it off most of the summer. Yikes.

On Monday, I have to sit down and redo my resume and cover letter. I'm going to apply for a job with, believe it or not a regular salary. Part of me wants to stay in real estate very badly, I love the flexibility the profession gives me, but I want to have a child one day and I would like to have the stability of a regular pay check, plus benefits and health insurance. Being a grown up is so hard, but being a grown up and thinking about having a totally helpless, totally dependent child is overwhelming and exciting at the same time.

So, I'm in the midst of making some big life-changing decisions. Oy.

When it clears up I shall head out and take my walk. I'm going to do a fitness challenge from Self Magazine. It's five days of exercise. Three walking two strength training. By the end of the first month, I should be back in the habit of exercise. I'm not looking to drop much weight the first month but maybe I'll start feeling fit and strong again. That is what I really want to achieve. Sure weight loss is another goal but I don't want to do this to lose weight as much as get fit. I think they both go hand in hand, however, I'm not aiming to be a skinny mini. I'll never be that. I'm naturally too athletic for that. I'm tall and not little boned. I build muscle pretty fast.

Remind me... heh... to ask the doctor to measure my height when I go in for a check up near the end of the year. I really believe I'm 5'7" but sometimes I think I'm taller.

Anyway, this challenge has four goals. I'm going to try to tackle them, a different one each month so by the end of December, I hope my body is ready for the next step.

Finding One's Self

The landscape of Northern New Mexico is truly amazing. It makes sense that so many people are able to find spirituality here every day. There are days when I just go for a drive, look at the awesome land surrounding me and truly feel connected to my own spirituality. It's usually a little thing, a rainstorm, a sunset, the view coming in along I-25 on a beautiful cloudy or clear day for what it's worth that reminds me that there is something bigger than ourselves. There has to be. I truly believe that God exists. I think that there are many paths to find Him. For me, it's my Catholicism, but for someone else, it might be something different.

I stumbled upon this article on PBS. I watched the video as well. The text is the transcription actually and thought I'd post it. It's interesting but I think barely touches the subject of spirituality in New Mexico, which goes back to days long before the Spanish came, bringing both Catholicism and crypto-Judaism to this land.

I've also been following the news from Paris about the death of Cardinal Jean-Marie Lustiger, Archbishop of Paris. Today was his funeral and before the Funeral Mass, his relatives said Kaddish for him in front of Notre Dame. It's been interesting to read all the news about his personal life and how despite his conversion to Catholicism, he still felt very tied to his Jewish past. Albeit, his was recent, as he was born to Polish Jews and converted to Catholicism as a young boy.

I suppose part of me is so intrigued is because here in Northern New Mexico, there are so many families who are descended from Sephardic Jews and are now discovering it. While they have pretty much been raised as Catholics for generations, (though some probably with no religion and others as protestants) but suddenly this knowledge makes things about their lives so much clearer. As for me, I don't really know if my ancestors were Jewish. I have last names dotting the family tree which are very obviously Sephardic, but I don't know of any rituals or traditions that are suspected to be Sephardic. The sad thing for me is that the ones who would know are long gone and my parents don't seem to remember any of those stories. And even if I learned my ancestors were Sephardic Jews fleeing persecution, it wouldn't change my faith today. I would, however, be able to say I was tied to a Jewish past too, but I wouldn't be a Jew. Still, it's all very interesting. Hopefully, I'll find that out.