Wildfire

Ok... I've settled on pink as my template for this blog. I've learned to embrace the pink in my life, whatever that means.

So, this is my secret, quiet place. I don't expect any excitement around here. I started this blog because I've been reading a lot of other blogs on the blogosphere (not on LJ) and I decided to get my own so that I could comment or say hello in the event that I wanted to. Most of what I'm reading 'round here are news related or Catholic related. I'm not sure I'm going to through whole reversion process because yes... I have issues, but I've gone to Mass quite a few times since Easter and it's actually been a good experience. I'm actually a bit frightened by what some of my so-called issues are really non-issues. Though, sometimes, I wonder if there is a way to be socially and politically progressive and go back fully to a faith that seems to be changing so much, to be more akin to the conservative Christians, whose philosophies frighten me a bit. I truly think that politics and religion need to stay separate. I hate how the two have merged so much in this country. I think one can practice religion (or not) and have a social and political life, that doesn't involve one's faith. I think one should. Call me naive or irrational, but I believe it's possible.

Maybe I'm not thinking clearly as it is two am and I can't sleep or maybe I'm just thinking rationally and know that I will always have issues and that's that. Perhaps I'll work through them.

I don't know where this all started. If it was something I was thinking about before I started my new novel or if it was something that came up as a result of it. Why did I ever give "Isabel" a twin brother who was a priest? I can't tell you the difficulty that has arisen just because of that. Not that it's a bad thing. It works for the character and I think I've created the right motivations and circumstances for him to chose his vocation. I want him to reflect a real person, just as I do Isabel-- and her issues. I think it's perfectly possible for two people to grow up in the same household and become two very different people. (I'm an only child, so maybe I'm wrong.) But I think her issues with her brother's choices for his life are very valid and very real. As the story develops, I see her growing and coming to accept and understand him for who he is, and I think he'll always accept her and love her sins and all.

It's funny how a short story that was supposed to help me heal a broken heart has changed into something so much more. I've practically dropped the initial plot point. I'm having a hard time trying to figure out where to fit it into the story now that story has changed so much since I started. I don't think there's room for that little scenario in the grand scheme of the story. I've already written a sequel to this novel-- though it's really the prequel--- but it has to be read afterward, as it ruins the big surprise in Isabel's story.
And that really came out of the fucking air. I couldn't believe it when I wrote that scene. It went from sappy chick lit to angsty drama in one quick sentence.



I've also created a whole universe based upon the characters (the female characters) in these three stories. Wouldn't it be cool to write four different stories based on these women? (Four sisters, their daughters, and their experiences.) My own version of Little Women. Heh.

I'm sort of in a weird place tonight and cannot sleep. I have a feeling I'll be dragging all day long tomorrow/today. I'm used to getting to bed at 2:00 these days. I've been writing or reading what I've written and so I'm not just sitting up doing nothing these late nights.

I have to admit that my stories are taking on a life of their own. I don't know if I can contain my characters. I should really try to sleep as I have to be up in 5 hours.

So far tonight I've tried the sleep thing twice, once at midnight and once at 1:43. Both times, while tired, I laid there unable to shut my mind down. 1. I have PMS. 2. I remembered something and it made me sad. 3. I have other stress, both rational and irrational stress going on right now. 4. I'm out of Sync with my sleeping habits. 2 is my bedtime these days. As I've been writing or editing, I've lost track of time. I don't have a lot of business right now and so I'm spending more and more time writing.

I think I'll take one of the dog's Benedryl tablets (Yes, they get the Benedryl for their allergies while I'll take Claritin) and hope it makes me drowsy. Maybe I'll function at a reasonably decent speed tomorrow.