What Would You Do With That?

The other day while window shopping after my second birthday lunch, I saw a monstrance for sale at an antique store. If I only had $3800. Of course what would I do with it? Seriously, what would you do with something like that? I've seen chalices in antique stores (in fact there was a gorgeous one in front of it) and online all the time, but I've never seen a monstrance any place but a church. I'm sure there is quite a story about how it ended up in Things Finer, a wonderful store in the La Fonda hotel.

It, being Pentecost tomorrow, I am looking forward to Mass. I may dash across town after Mass to the Cathedral for the Blessing of the (new) Bells because it would be something to see. Or maybe I'm just a big dork and like stuff like this. If I do go to town, I'll make the trip worthwhile and go to the new New Mexico History Museum.

Original Image copied from Wikipedia

And lastly, Fr. James Martin talks about the Holy Spirit. I do like him so an awful lot.

Wanderings and passion

So I'm surfing the net, looking up random stuff. Being the Lenten Season, I stumbled upon this site. It's a site with pictures of Outdoor Stations of the Cross.

At my parish church there were some simple, but lovely crosses installed outside of my church. I think between now and Holy Week, I'll go. If I wasn't so tired, I'd post more tonight. Anyway, there are many lovely pictures to see.

Somewhat related, I love it when non-Catholics try to explain our devotions, prayers and beliefs. Here's an explanation about the Stations on a site called rapture ready. They don't seem to have a problem with them, except that the stations are all about His passion and death, and we still have Christ hanging on the Cross afterward. Apparently , we Catholics, don't recognize the resurrection. Oy.

A Sundry of Things.

Nearly a month ago I logged on to read my syndicated feeds on my LJ and was a bit saddened to read that one of the blogs I enjoy most is ending its run. Probably a little over a year ago, I was doing some research for my second novel. (I have one that's 3/4th finished, another probably 7/8th finished and one that is about half done, the second.) One night I found myself googling up information about the Catholic Priesthood. I believe my search string was something about the daily life of a priest and I found Father Jim Tucker's blog and a post he made on the subject. I then started reading his blog and found myself enjoying it quite immensely. Now, I am a cradle Catholic, who drifted in and out of the faith for some of my adult years, but I had a decent Catholic education so I thought I knew a lot about the faith-- well, I've learned a lot in the last year or so as I've been reading and researching for my story. I've definitely found a lot of insight, information and history in his blog. He's eloquent, smart, honest and someone I think worth knowing in real life. Also, a hell of a lot smarter than me. ;-) I was not a commenter or really interacted with him, but his blog is greatly appreciated. Through his blog, I've discovered great resources and other blogs of interest, which is good, however, when he announced last month that he posted his last post, I was a bit bummed to see that he's leaving the blogosphere, but it's totally understandable as I've been on LJ for nearly 6 years and have started growing wearing and tired of journaling myself. There is only so much fangirl squee I can muster these days.

I've only started on blogger this last year, this journal is pretty much a big secret as I don't really to it or announce that it exists on public forums. As I pretty much stated in one of my first entries this is my quiet place while I explore "real life" things and my faith. On LJ, I have a writing journal, which I rarely update and a fandom journal. I know many of the people on my friends list in "real life" and it's pretty much the only place I stay in touch with them these days, so that's why I haven't left LJ, but I don't post all that often
these days. Most of my deep thoughts I save to post over here and sometimes I don't even do that.

Posts about my faith have been really few. It's interesting because there are lots of interesting things I stumble upon or feel like sharing, but I guess I'm just not ready to post about it. I haven't updated my blog roll yet. There are definitely a lot of blogs of note that I read, but I've been too lazy to make mention of them yet. Maybe this year, I will try to do that.

Little steps

After about 6 months, maybe a little less, I finally became a member of the church where I've been going. I've never been a member of any parish on my own as an adult. This past weekend I signed a pledge that I'd support the church a certain amount every week. When it all comes out, it's not all that much per year, (I really can't afford a lot) and I don't mind giving. I just realized that if I'm going to promise to give the church money, I should "officially" join. I've been wanting to join for many other reasons as well.

My parents were a member of the "Mother Church" downtown for their entire lives. They may still be on the record books as being members. I was baptized, confirmed and made my first communion there, then I graduated from high school and pretty much stopped going to church. I'd go from time to time at the Newman Center at College with my sorority sisters and friends, but I wasn't part of the community. I didn't really feel like I needed the church in college.

Like one of my characters, I felt (back then) that it was antiquated and far too conservative for me. Yet, I have always believed in something. I'm not going to deny the fact that I'm a political liberal and sometimes feel a bit at odds with the conservative nature of the church especially as a whole. BUT... I'm also not so sure that priestly celibacy is a bad thing and while I'm a feminist, I don't accept the notion that women should be priests. Right now they cannot and probably never will be in my life time, but I don't think that's such a bad thing either. (Funny, how just a few years ago I thought I'd like to see those two things change one day, but in now I don't.) Yes, there are married priests in the Catholic church-- they've come from other religions and have been dispensed of the requirements of celibacy. I'm sure they are assets to the church and I accept that. I'm glad they are part of our church. The enhance it and probably make it a lot better. Maybe one day celibacy will be an optional thing and maybe it will work. I just am (surprisingly) more traditional than I thought. I'm not big on hand-holding during the "Our Father" or all the other gestures that seem to have come to the church since the days I went away. I've yet to see liturgical dance, Mom says it does happen in our parish, and I might just cringe at the sight of it, or maybe I'll go with the flow and accept it for what it is. Who knows?

The priests at my church are quite orthodox, quite human and reverent. I don't go around looking for mistakes or liturgical abuses, (as so many people seem to do and complain about in Catholic forums, blogs and newsgroups Oy vey... that's a whole other post.) that's not why I go to Mass. I go to hear the words of God and the Lord read, celebrate the sacrifice of the Mass and listen to what words father has to say that day. They're usually always right, thought provoking or pertinent to what's going on in the world today. I've never heard a light and fluffy homily yet.

So while I'm also very fond of tradition, I am also fond of the open mindedness and tolerance of my local archdiocese. It's progressive, while rooted in tradition, culture and history. It embraces and accepts, rather than rejects and casts aside. That's probably why I am able to practice Catholicism. I'm probably naive enough to think it's like that everywhere, but probably cynical enough to know otherwise.

Despite the "lost years", I've always felt Catholic. I have been around other faiths enough to know they don't fit. Catholicism, to me, is like a comfortable pair of old slippers. Always there and always comfortable. No matter how bad I feel come the end of the day my slippers always fit. I can pretty much walk into any Catholic church and find something I need: peace, soothing words, God, love... so...after all these years I've joined the parish where I've been going. I joined under my own name and we'll see where I go from there.

Back to my characters. It's interesting in how in one story one character goes back to the church and the other, probably never will. She will always be Catholic but I don't know if that particular character will find herself fully and wholly Catholic again.

The other interesting bit about this, my characters are first cousins (main characters in their own stories respectively). If anything my stories show where I've been in the last ten years I think.

All Saints Day...

I've been unintentionally absent from this blog. I have a post that I am still trying to articulate in my head before I actually sit down to write it. I'm just muddling through life and working through a lot of things.

But I continue on my journey back to the Catholic Church. Honestly I don't think I've really been that far away and I've always known that I'd never become any other religion. My non-denominational and evangelical acquaintances (some family and maybe even a few friends) have all invited to me to their churches and services but I usually politely say no thank you, I'm Catholic and not interested. I've never had a negative reaction-- and oddly enough they have not pressured me to come to their church once they discover I'm Catholic.

Lately, I don't know if it's because I've been doing a lot of reading and studying about Catholicism these days-- (as I'm writing a story which is turning out to be very, very heavy on the Catholicism. I hope it's not heavy handed, preachy and not overly religious because that's not the story I planned to tell. But when you make a main character have a brother who is a priest, some of that inevitably comes out. I really hope my story is rational and that someone who isn't Catholic can read it and enjoy it) -- and I've also become quite aware of all the anti-Catholicism out there. I really grew up in an unique place. Most of my peers were Hispanic and Catholic and so I never felt any animosity based on my ethnic background or religion, but with the Internet times are a changing.

Also, I've discovered that there are a lot of Catholics (I think maybe a small percentage) that I just can't agree with or understand. I won't deny that I'm liberal politically and socially. I'm pragmatic and try to see the world with eyes wide open. I'm not saying that a lot of Catholics don't, but sometimes, when I see or read something so conservative, so utterly "evangelical-like" or ludicrous my mind boggles. I'm totally not making any sense and will have to come back and think these thoughts through.

Nonetheless, the Internet is an interesting place. I'm leaving this a bit cryptic and will save my thoughts for another time-- however, I wonder if I could be comfortable worshiping in a Catholic church/parish/diocese that isn't like my own?

I was going to post this...

And instead I went off on a mini-rant of my own.

I love reading the lives of the saints. Their lives and stories engage me. I can't fathom leading the lives that they lead. And what astounds me most is that they (with the exception of Angels, etc) were living, breathing people.

Aside from my patron saint of any representation of Mary, the mother of God or the many other St. Mary's that exist. St. Felicity is my other patron saint. I stumbled on this today on the Internets! I'd read the story recently, but I thought I'd save it somewhere, where I could find it quickly again.

St. Felicity and her Seven Sons:

Felicity was a noble Christian woman of Rome. She lived during the second century. After her husband's death, she served God by prayer and works of charity. Her good example led others to become Christians, too. This angered the pagan priests, who complained to Antoninus Pius, the emperor. They said Felicity was an enemy of the state because she was making the gods angry. So the emperor ordered Felicity arrested. Seven young men were arrested with her. It is believed that they were her sons. Like the mother of the Maccabees in the Old Testament, Felicity remained calm. The governor tried in vain to make her sacrifice to the gods. He ended with the words, "Unhappy woman, if you wish to die, die! But do not destroy your sons." "My sons will live forever if, like me, they scorn the idols and die for their God," Felicity answered. This brave woman was forced to watch her sons being put to death. One was whipped, two were beaten with clubs, three beheaded and another drowned. Four months later, Felicity, too, was beheaded. Her strength came from her great hope that she would be with God and her sons in heaven. St. Felicity, it could be said, was martyred eight different times. This is because she had to watch each of her sons die. Then she too gave up her life for Jesus. Today we pray for people who watch their loved-ones suffer physically or emotionally. May they feel the Risen Christ in their suffering.

I also noticed her patronage is to Mothers who’ve lost children.

These are the contents of my head...

I think this blog is shaping up to be the place where I talk about Catholic stuff as well as my real life. I think I'm on the verge of going back to the Church on a regular basis, not just on Holidays, weddings, and funerals. The only problem I have is on the little corner of the world that's the Internet. On blogs, forums, websites, I see so much disdain for liberal Catholics from fellow Catholics. I can't even contemplate all the anti-catholic crap I've encountered out there, but it's there too. I just hate to see all the disdain coming from one Catholic about another. I am a bleeding heart liberal in whole sense of the world. I keep my feelings about religion and politics separate. I don't take religion into the voting booth, nor do I take politics into the church. However, I support those liberal causes many of my fellow Catholics deem unacceptable and today I read a commentary on forums and other places on the Internet that liberal Catholics should just leave the church because they can't accept all and everything the church teaches. I've seen it before and I could find links, but there's no point... I'm sure one good google search will find posts in the same vein.

Nonetheless, it pisses me off because I never once grew up to hear that message. I really hope that these messages are from a very small and vocal minority. These are many of the folks who are excited about the Latin Mass returning with fewer restrictions, which is fine with me, I think there is plenty of room for TLM and the Novus Ordo. I grew up post Vatican II. I've never attended Mass in Latin. I'm sure it's a very beautiful thing and I don't think that the Pope is trying to take the church back in time, but I don't anticipate attending TLM, with the exception of checking it out every now and then. I think easing restrictions on its use is probably a good thing. I do think many people from my parents' generation, many from the baby boomers and even my fellow GenXers' are looking forward to attending TLM. I am not a traditionalist--as I said-- I'm a liberal and I find that the New Mass, which is said here, is quite lovely. I think it's done with reverence and respect. Most of our hymns are in Spanish, so we don't usually get all the touchy-feely stuff the conservatives seem to complain about. I've read the hymnal, I don't disagree at all with them on that one.

I guess the more I think about coming back to the faith, something invariably drives me away.

I think I need to stay off the Internets!

I don't want to be another religion because for me Catholicism runs deep. It is both spiritual and cultural and I can't separate the two. As frustrating as it is sometimes, I find myself at church knowing it's where I belong, it's what I believe and feel and it doesn't matter that I'm a liberal. Sunday at Mass was a baptism and it was lovely to see and hear all those babies. I kept thinking, and now I'm praying for the day, that I will be up there with my own baby being baptized, on a glorious Sunday like it was the other day. I want to share my faith-- culturally and spiritually-- with a child of mine. I really can't wait for that day and yes, I pray for that day.

So, I know I can't go off and leave the Catholic church and become something else. No other church can be so much a part of my culture and my soul as the catholic church.

How this post went off on such a tangent, I don't know. I still didn't say the things I really wanted to say. I may one day articulate why I'm a liberal and not a conservative.

Children At Your Feet

I made it through the Novena. Nine Masses, Eight glorious Masses. I can't believe I was up at 4:30 for eight days. Yesterday, I met my friend for Mass at 6:00 and later in the day I met my other friend to watch the procession back to the Cathedral. I took pictures but they didn't come out so great. I don't like my dad's camera. I really should have taken my canon rebel, but I suspect I don't have film or batteries. (If only I had the money to buy it in a digital version. :::sigh::: )



I couldn't believe how many people were making the trek back from the chapel to the church. Carrying banners, they all walked back with their parishes or religious group. It was a hot day and it was about an half-hour trek in 4:00 heat. They were singing, smiling and walking happily back to the Cathedral Basilica. We watched them file in and of course saw many people I knew as well. Small town still. It's usually for religious functions that the local people come out.



Of course, tourists gawked and watched curiously as the procession made its way back. They asked what was going on and neither L. nor I had enough time to give them the whole history, but we did the best we could and they were pleasant and polite. (I have a huge opinions about tourists and the newcomers to my city, in general, most are respectful, courteous and pleasant, but... there are so many that I really do wish would go away. That's another post...for another day... maybe.)



There was a group of tourists, I think they were also going to go to Mass, but the daughter looked just how I imagine my mother looked at her age. She had thick, red hair, in braids, she had the same sort of skin color, (my mom tans a lovely brown) and was wearing a pretty white summer dress. I really did think of my mom.There is a picture of my mother that I thought about when I saw the girl. It makes me really wish to have a red-headed child one day.

So, after the procession, my friend left and I proceeded into the church for Mass. Everyone was there. ;-) Same with today. Today, though it was really interesting to see how the people stood in line after Mass to take a flower that had been given to "Our Lady" during the many Masses.

It's amazing the love and devotion given to this old, hand-carved statue of the Virgin Mary, which for 400 years has been part of this city. When I was 5, she was stolen. I recall hearing about it many years after the fact, but I never knew the whole story of her abduction. (Links to the story. Part One. Part Two.) After this morning's Mass, I totally understand the outrage and grief when she was taken. In 1973 this was a very small town. I think if something happened, there would still be the outpouring of grief and anger.

What I think I've discovered by doing this is the amount of faith that exists here and that there is a vast amount of faith inside of myself. I think it's always been there and today I read a post that clicked with me and I realized that no matter what, I will always be Catholic.

ETA: Pictures from a Procession in a previous year can be seen here. There is also a Fiesta Video( more like a slide show set to music) from the 2007, Fiestas. The last few shots in the video are from the Candlelight Procession to the Cross of the martyrs which I believe I posted about here.

Treasures magically found

Sometimes, I don't think I remember much about growing up Catholic. This week, I've been attending the annual Novena Mass in honor of La Conquistadora, (the oldest image of the Madonna in the US). It's an annual tradition in Santa Fe, going back centuries now. (Links to come later.) A really good friend of mine invited me to go with her. I don't think she thought I'd show up on Monday. Well, I got up way too early and picked up our mutual friend, L. and we met her at 5:45 at the little chapel where La Conqusitadora will be till Sunday. That first Mass was incredibly beautiful and uplifting. Now, I grew up Catholic. I live in Santa Fe, an old-Spanish Catholic City and I have never done this. I've known about this procession and novena all my life but for whatever reason my family never did it.

It's been a culturally rewarding and spiritually enriching thing for me. Since probably college, I've been a pretty much lapsed Catholic and now, as an adult, I'm finding myself drawn back to Catholicism for whatever reason I'm not quite sure, but so far it's been an interesting journey. Who knows where it will take me.

I've been reading blogs, websites, forums and various bits of things about Catholicism lately. I grew up in the 70s, post Vatican II, so everything to me about church was a bit more loose and relaxed, definitely all about acceptance and love, social justice and peace were the messages I learned. Good stuff, I think, however, I've found a lot of complaints on the Internet about how too loose and too liberal the church became and still is in places. I just don't feel like that is the way the church is here. Of course, things are so different in New Mexico that maybe that's why I feel a bit confuzzled by what I read these days. I certainly don't want to see it get so conservative and so closed up that I don't feel like there is a place for me there. I don't think that will happen-- at least I hope not, especially here, and I do love the ritual and traditions. I even can wrap my brain around most of everything the church teaches and I do believe there is a God. There has to be something. Yet, I'm a bleeding heart liberal and truly feel like religion and politics, church and state should remain separate. I definitely keep religion out of the voting booth with me.

Maybe I'll muse a bit in here about that later. Right now, I'm not really sure if I can articulate those thoughts yet.

Nonetheless, I think to the surprise of my friend D. I've been going to Mass everyday at 6:00 and it's been the most amazing experience. I'm exhausted today. It was the 5th day but I really enjoyed it. Every day a different pastor from a different parish has celebrated the Mass. Every day has been different and special. My friend, D. who talked me into going (this is her big Catholic thing she says) was right when she said it is a bit like being in heaven. We are sitting on the right side of the altar. On the other side of the altar, the big doors are open and as the sun rises about 6:15, the sun's rays shine through the old crooked and stately Evergreen trees into the chapel, lighting up the altar with golden morning light. It's a beautiful sight. It makes getting up in the dark worthwhile just to see that in the morning. Sadly, I don't know what I'll do after Sunday.

Today, there were trumpets and it was more "Spanish" than the other days so far, because much of the Mass was in Spanish. (I wish I could remember the "Our Father" in Spanish. I still wish I could speak Spanish period.) There was beautiful. music, lots of singing in Spanish and lots of rejoicing. Tuesday, there was an Indian blessing. She, La Conquistadora, I mean, was dressed in Native American clothes. (I wonder if she has as many outfits as the Infant of Prague?) Monday there was levity and banter and it was so festive. So far, no dry or mundane church hymns. Not sure what tomorrow will bring, but I'll finish out the Novena and watch part the procession back to the Cathedral on Sunday. Right now I need a nap.

(Photo Taken by Herman Lovato, copied from the 2007 Novena Pictures at the Santa Fe Fiesta Council Web Site.)