Saturday, August 15, 2009

What Do You Need?

So my day really started off crappy. Without going into details, my dad and I had another blow out. He always complains when either Mom or I talk about "family business" to someone outside the family and today he went and blabbed the family business to one of his nieces, who was going to call me with unsolicited advice. Needless to say that didn't go well either.

This morning I had wanted to go to Mass for the Assumption but after I hung up with Dad, I rolled over in bed and tried to sleep for a while and then he showed up at the door, where we continued to air out our differences. We came to peace and I made a good breakfast. All was well, till my cousin called.

Anyway, the good of it all, is that I hope this time things with Dad are ok. Most times, I've never hated having older parents. I never really noticed that I had older parents when I was growing up. Even now, my parents don't look their age. Dad's poor health of late has aged him, but he still looks a good 10 years younger than he is. My mom is healthy and strong. However, I've taken on a lot of the day to day stuff for them, paying bills, watching the money, dealing with the rental property and the tenant who is struggling to pay rent. (It's a commercial property, where he has an art gallery.)It's a bad economy and people don't buy art when they have to put food on the table and put their kids through school. This is essentially what we fight about every month when rent is due and the tenant is late.

Anyway, lately, I've been feeling like a worse-than-usual- Bad Catholic than I normally am. I don't think I'll even claim to be a Good Catholic because I am not. I sin. I make bad judgments and sometimes I think I avoid God. Right now, I should be seeking Him through prayer or through the sacraments but the last thing I've wanted to do lately is pray, go to Mass and do those things.

Everyday, I am aware that He exists, but in the midst of everything else going on in my life, I just want to run and hide.