Testing, testing... is anyone here?

Well everyone... this place has been truly quiet and the lights have been dim. I think my faith is still strong, but I'm not really much for writing about it. I have moments where I don't really pray or read much, but I still believe. I still have faith. I am actually feeling really blessed and grateful to God right about now. This year's Novena came and went. I didn't participate this year much. I went to a couple of Masses. I didn't take photographs nor walk in the processions. I was feeling a bit edgy and anxious and not like my normal self.

Anxiety and stress have come calling in my life and I'm working through them the best I can. I need to return to my workouts and my writing, but lately, I haven't had much desire to do those things. I see the light at the end of the tunnel and I don't think I'm seeing things as dim as I had been, but my life has changed a lot in a year. Honestly, the changes in my life are for the good, but they don't come without stresses, worries and fears. Not only do I have worries of my own, I worry about my parents. My dad is struggling with health issues. He and my mom fight and argue. I get caught in the middle. Dad has some financial worries about a tenant of ours, but as the economy recovers, I believe the tenant will be more financially stable. I'm in a relationship that is serious. He proposed last Saturday. I worry about him, just because I love him so much.

I remember praying to the Blessed Mother for her intercessions last year. I truly felt like I was going to have to accept living a single life and all that came with that life. I honestly didn't believe that there was anyone out there for me. That Novena ended late, nearly in July, and three weeks later, the man I'm going to spend my life with, sent me a facebook friend request. I didn't think of it then. He was an old classmate from high school wanting to reconnect as facebook friends.

I tried to make the novena and offer thanksgiving for answered prayers. I believe he was sent by God. It's the only time in our lives when we could be together. We've talked about that and we know this time is our time. We both feel the presence of God in our lives and I need to remember that God is always there. That when things get frustrating or overwhelming I can turn to Him for strength. I also have a wonderful and beautiful man to lean on now. I am very blessed and those are the things I need to remember when things get bad.

I know where the stresses come from and they tend to overwhelm me sometimes. I also need to find a full-time job come fall. I'm hoping to be hired as a teacher's assistant or a sub with the archdiocese this fall. I could always go back to real estate. So, if you're still out there reading, thanks. Keep me in your prayers too.

Can't promise that I'm back to blogging full time, but this was a heartening news story about a "Father" presiding over the marriage of his son. A man who left the priesthood to marry, requested permission to exercise his ministry after his wife died a few years ago and was presider at his son's wedding.

I've missed out on a lot but I'm kinda hibernating from all the news and all that is going on right now. I'm still teaching catechism, things my change next year, as there might not be a Saturday class, so who knows where that will leave me as I teach the Saturday class. My students make their First Communions tomorrow. I feel like they're not as prepared as last year's class but they know the important aspects of the faith and that should be good enough. My life has changed so much. A year ago, I didn't think I'd be where I am and who knows where I will be next year. It's all good but it's also overwhelming.

One good thing-- falling in love. It's amazing.

I will try to check in from time to time and I will try to post more often.

A Little Black Spot

As Lent is coming up, I found this bit on the Deacon's Bench and it's pretty damn funny. It's also rather poignant too.

I can't believe that Ash Wednesday is next week. As of late, I've been a bit weak and really struggling in my faith. I'm hoping that Lent will revive me as it always seems to do. My students made their First Confessions and I think I've turned the tide with them. Now, to make it to First Communion and we'll be good.

It amazes me how fast time flies. Easter is my favorite season.

Oh Hi...

Is this thing on? It seems that I've taken a long hiatus from blogging. I've been drifting away from matters of spirituality lately. I'm not even sure I'll ever get back that vim I once had for blogging, but I'm going to try because I still need an outlet for my thoughts and reflections. I do have to say that I haven't been keeping up with the general Catholic blogosphere all that much, many of my favorite Catholic bloggers have been quiet and quite honestly, I've been way too caught up in falling in love to pay attention to anything else. :)

I'm finally feeling like I'm making a dent with my students. This year, the children are not as engaged in the sacrament as they were last year. Of course, I don't think I'm as engaged as a teacher as I was last year. Now that First Confessions are coming up, I think all that will change. I have got to go myself. It's been over six months and I've been wanting to go for ages. I've actually refrained from the Eucharist since last fall, when I needed to go to Confession. I think some mortal sins are worse than others and those are the ones which trouble me more than the others. Sometimes, I think what they say about having Catholic Guilt is true. Of course, none of this I want to instill in my children. I want them to learn that Confession is a sacrament of healing and not to be afraid. I was most certainly terrified to go when I was their age. I still get nervous and frightened.

At my parish all the priests know me in some way and I've felt comfortable chatting with them in any situation but now I'll only confess to behind the screen. The children, more than likely, will be making their confessions face to face as we have one confessional that has a screen for privacy. On Saturdays, there is always a line of people waiting for confession but our church has one room. But for the children, there will be a service with individual confession. There should be about 10 priests offering the sacrament, so most will go face to face.

When I was a child, I found that comforting. I also made sure my mom was close by. I also don't know how well prepared I was for my first confession. I don't really remember much from my catechism classes. I don't remember what the sisters names were who taught us. I remember a few songs and learning that we'd be receiving the real Body and Blood of Jesus and that we could not chew on the host. I've never chewed on it since. I remember we got to drink the Blood. My parish always gives Communion in both species.

So, I'm still teaching catechism. My life, meanwhile is a bit unhinged. I was hoping that I might be able to get a teaching assistant job at the parish school, but my resume and messages have gone unnoticed and unreturned. There is a position for an assistant and I hoped I would at least be interviewed, considering I am interested in becoming a teacher in a Catholic elementary school. It seemed perfect, almost divinely inspired. But nothing! I need a career change and so far, nothing.

I can't let it get me down. I can always go back to school. I can always still try to get in with the public schools and work toward my teaching certificate this fall. I just need to start the process.

And one of the things I realized as well, is that while our lives get busy and caught up in the ennui, sometimes we put God aside. Or at least to the bottom of the list. I got to the point where I was barely making it to Mass. Until last week, the last time I was at Mass was the 4th Sunday during Advent. I did attempt Midnight Mass, but fell asleep. My mom and D. were wide awake and me, the night owl, couldn't stay awake so we left.

Meanwhile, my prayer life has dried up, but I'm trying to find my way back. It's times like this when I realize God doesn't abandon us or leave us. He patiently waits for us. And with all that I'm dealing with right now, I'm so glad that He is always there. I believe He brought D. into my life.

Now, all I have to do is open the door and let God back into my life.