The Hands of a Priest

I was working on a scene in one of my stories. It looks like my character Andrew will get his own story someday, but he's with his sister Isabel as they're contemplating their lives without each other as they've now graduated from college and are taking jobs in two different cities, he in DC and she in Albuquerque. It's the first time they've been away from each other. She reaches out and makes a comment about his hands. I'm not sure what she's going to say exactly but it's sort of foreshadowing to the fact that he's going to become a priest one day.

So, I googled " a priest's hands" to see if what I could find and I found this poem here and thought it was pretty and worth remembering. I'll find the right words for her to say to him.

I must admit, I've noticed that all the priests I know have beautiful hands.

The Beautiful Hands of a Priest

We need them in life's early morning,
we need them again at its close;
We feel their warm clasp of friendship,
we seek them when tasting life's woes.

At the altar each day we behold them,
and the hands of a king on his throne
Are not equal to them in their
greatness; their dignity stands all alone;

And when we are tempted and wander
to pathways of shame and sin,
It's the hand of a priest that will absolve
us----not once, but again and again;

And when we are taking life's partner,
other hands may prepare us a feast,
But the hand that will bless and unite
us is the beautiful hand of a priest.

God bless them and keep them all holy
For the Host which their fingers caress;
When can a poor sinner do better than
to ask Him to guide thee and bless?

When the hour of death comes upon us
may our courage and strength be increased.
By seeing raised over us in anointing the
beautiful hands of a priest!

Author Unknown

Inside You The Time Moves and She Don't Fade

So... my novel is driving me crazy. I know I don't spend a lot of time rambling on about it in here. How did a fictionalized account about my broken heart end up becoming some epic saga about Isabel and the men in her life, her eventual return to the church and now the possible conversion of her somewhat agnostic boyfriend? It's about more than just that, but if I keep on going at the pace I'm going, it will be a thousand pages long and be so far off from my original idea, I don't know what I'll have.

Speaking of reading, writing and characters, I saw a book at Borders that caught my eye a few months ago. Usually, after Mass I usually go for coffee with a good friend of mine and my mom sometimes comes along. I buy lots and lots of books, mostly in the genre that I write, sometimes historical fiction and I've read a few biblical fiction books. There was one fictionalized story about Mary Magdalen that I really disliked but I read it all-- it was like 800 pages. In lieu of reading fiction, I buy and read non-fiction. Lately, a lot of spiritual stuff. Anyway, on that particular Sunday, I picked up a book with characters that sounded similar to mine. The main character a single woman (younger than Isabel) living with her boyfriend, and a brother who is a priest. I decided not to buy it for those reasons. Anyway, a couple of weeks ago I went on a book buying spree and I bought this particular book. It was nicely written, though I thought the characters were a bit flat and the plot wasn't bad or overly original, it was an easy read. I don't think the story will stick with me.

Regarding plots, honestly, there aren't that many overly original plots in fiction-- they're all re-tellings of the same basic plots in fiction. I have an email I should repost with the basic fiction plots. I'll save it for the writing journal, but I digress.

This story was more about characters who happened to be Catholic, than anything really exploring Catholicism in fiction, which apparently mine does. While there was a sister with a brother as a priest relationship, it isn't like mine. Whew. Thank goodness. I don't like what she did with her priest character-- but that was her choice-- my gripe will wait for my post about priests in portrayed in pop culture. It's still in draft mode. The life my character lives in my story will be very different.

Reading this book isn't going to change how I write my story or influence it by any means. I just realized that my approach with similar sorts of characters, relationships and themes are going to be done very differently.

My stories are more character driven than plot driven. Believe me... I don't even know what my plot is. Well... I do... but it doesn't follow a simple path or outline. The working title of my first novel is called "Unmarked Paths" which is quite fitting.

One of my fears is that it's far too Catholic for a mainstream audience. That's actually trumping my fear that it is too Hispanic. And then on top of that... all the other characters are talking to me and I have a whole future story churning around in my head. I wish I knew how to shut it all down at night.

Eeek. I spotted a mouse. At least I think it was a mouse. It might have been a big, black spider that ran really fast. Ohh... a centipede perhaps. Ewww. I hate those more than mice. You'd think after spending an afternoon washing floors, no vermin would want to come into my house-- no crumbs, no mess, nothing to find on the floors. I guess not. Anyway, I'm now in my bedroom, hopefully far, far away from any unwelcome creatures.

In a Lonely Place

In the last year as I've been returning fully and wholly to the church, I've done a lot of reading, mostly of blogs, lots of articles, a few books and I've done a lot of writing. A lot of my thoughts about my faith or return to it I've worked out in my fiction through my main character. While I don't think my character is a true stand-in for me, she has a lot of me in her and so I've probably worked out a lot of my thoughts in my story. Now I fear I'll find a market for my story, with it's strong Hispanic, Catholic characters, who learn a big family secret that takes them on an adventure they didn't expect. Sounds pretty good, huh?

Anyway, my point. I was thinking about my main characters (twin brother and sister) and how different their lives become. I was thinking more about the brother, a priest, and some of his thoughts. He's the character I have the most trouble with, as he's a man and a priest and I don't know what it's like to be either. While I know the priests at my parish, I don't know them well, but they're good, compassionate men. They're smart, caring and very devout to their vocations. I think they all share qualities my character might have, but I also try to not model my characters on anyone I know, which makes it hard sometimes, which really brings me to the whole point of this post. Really.

In my moments of procrastination, uh, I mean free time, I was reading through some of the blogs I read and Father Z (from What Does the Prayer Really Say?) linked to this post by (I'm guessing a youngish) Irish Priest who expressed so poignantly and honestly about the loneliness he was feeling at the moment. It touched me tremendously and it made me realize that these men and other religious have given up a lot for their vocations and we may never think twice about their lives outside of the church or where we see them publicly. I think sometimes we view them from the pews as men above us and not like us. We are the people under their watchful eyes and in their spiritual care. We may have casual conversations with them after Mass, maybe nothing beyond that, unless we're fortunate to have them as friends or family in real life, and even then, we may not always see them for being our brother, father, son, cousin, friend, etc. They are men of God and we always put that first, which I think we should, but they are also human and want to be treated as such and we don't. Sometimes, they aren't near their families and don't always have others to turn to for support because so many of them live alone or are the only priest in a church.

And the other thing that occurred to me is that their loneliness isn't that much different from ours, those of us not living in vows or consecrated life. Every one suffers from periods of feeling lonely. ( I do believe alone and lonely are two different things.) I'm an only child and have been alone for so much of my life, but I haven't always been lonely. Most of the time, I'm not, but every now and then it hits me. Even married people feel that loneliness. My parents live totally separate lives now that they're older and I know they both feel lonely from time to time.

As a single woman, I feel it a lot and have begun to even question if I will ever find someone to share my life with. I want to have a family and share that with someone, but as I've lived most of my life single, I think I can continue to do so if that's meant to be. I just don't know about not having the children part. That I just can't imagine not having.