Monday, March 30, 2009

Nine Miles. Just Nine Miles.

I finally made it to Trader Joe's yesterday and I did buy food to eat, but I bought nothing that I can snack on right now, at this very second, when I'm hungry for something. Everything I bought requires preparation. I bought lots of fruit, but I don't quite feel like eating fruit at the moment even though it's the best thing to eat. I've also decided I'm having lactose issues, so I think a bowl of cereal is out. I've decided to forgo a late-night snack. Besides, I read something on the blogosphere that left me a bit sick inside. (not going to post a link because I'm avoiding discussing religion, politics and dead horses.)

I can't believe that Lent is winding down. I have struggled this year more than I have in the past. Maybe because this is the first year I really was trying to focus on my Lenten Journey. I think I've pretty much decided against attempting the pilgrimage to Chimayo. I know I could do at least half of it without a struggle. I walked two miles yesterday just fine. I'm just wary of doing 9 miles. It will be at a slow pace, with a group of people from the parish, who I know will walk very slowly. While, I'm not terribly out of shape and my asthma isn't flaring up, I don't feel ready for the walk. I need some better walking shoes though.

Of course, I'm beating myself up for not being ready. I had every intention to start working out again at the start of Lent but still haven't. I have every intention to do a lot of things that are either good for me or something I want to do but don't manage to actually do them. Then, I get mad at myself, stress out and never end up doing what I want/should/need. I am too young for regrets yet I still have all these irrational fears that get the best of me.

However, this is not what Lent is about. It's not about me. It's about acknowledging the sacrifice Jesus made for us, not to whine about what I have not done. Someday maybe I'll learn that.

Maybe I'll find something I can do instead that is a sacrifice on Saturday. Besides, I can always meet up with the pilgrims at the chapel for Mass. Perhaps my mother or father would like to go and they are certainly not capable of making the walk. Who knows. I'll see how I feel and what the weather looks like for Saturday.

Anyway, those are my thoughts for the night and now I think I'm going to go to bed. I'm tired. I'll read some of St. Teresa and maybe say Night Prayer before midnight.

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