Going there... only because... I have to

I am a masochist after all. So, today I heard more about how he screwed up again, and again. Of course, the one person I need to hear that from is HIM and I never will. My friends saw his old car and they talked with the guy who bought it. Of course, they asked about the kid who sold him the car and the guy who bought it told him everything he knew and what he said, how he felt bad for messing up things here, how he just needed to go home and he wanted to sell the car for his plane ticket.

All I wanted then was for him to tell me straight out how he felt. Oh yeah, guys don't talk about their feelings. He wanted to brood and be morose. I know he was struggling and I didn't want to pressure him. All I wanted was for him to ask me for help.

I go back in time and wonder if I did all that I could, if I was too strong and too pushy. Was it a mistake to tell him how I felt? Would it have changed things? At the time, all I knew was that I was falling in love with him and wanted him in my life.

I just wish she never mentioned this whole little incident. I know she means well, but every time she says she's heard about him, it just upsets me. At least I haven't cried! That's something.

With the kind of luck I have, all the parties involved will find my blog. ;-)

What Next?

Dog 1, Maria 0 So, dogs and coyote shit don't mix. I guess that's why there is cold, cold water and dog shampoo.

What's a Girl Gonna Do With a Dog Like That?

One Parched and Thirsty Dog I can't take him anywhere without getting dirty.

Corpus Christi

So Mom took me birthday shopping. Ok, I drove, but she bought me presents. We walked around town and then we went to the services for Corpus Christi at the Cathedral. We didn't take part in the whole procession, we watched it as it got on the way. It was beautiful though and took some pictures
as it went by. Alas, I'm saving up my excitement for next week's procession for the Novena to La Conquistadora, whom is probably the patron of my journal.

This is a whimsical statue of St. Francis, patron saint of our Cathedral Basilica. It's actually a water fountain and has some lovely quotes carved on it, attributed to St. Francis.






I didn't arrive early enough to get a decent shot of the altar and how beautiful it looked. This was near the end of the service, when everyone was gathering together for the procession, but we really do have a beautiful church and we have such a strong and wonderful faith in this community. I truly love being Catholic and living here.






Coming out of the Cathedral. Leading the procession were First Communicants and other children carrying baskets of flowers, dropping the petals as they passed, (not pictured) then the parishes emerged and the various orders, the third orders, other groups and finally the clergy of St. Francis, the Archbishop and the Blessed Sacrament.













The procession begins. Clergy from the Cathedral Basilica of St. Francis emerge from the front doors with Archbishop Sheehan carrying the Blessed Sacrament.

















The journey from the church begins.

The Procession leaves the church down Cathedral Place, just in front of the the La Fonda Hotel.












Following a trail of rose petals the Blessed Sacrament wound its way down town and back to the church.












(I took these photos yesterday and I'm still muddling my way with uploading pictures. In Quark or Photoshop it's easy. Here, it's not doing what I want. I wish I'd gotten better pictures but we were just there for a while. We didn't participate in the procession, though next week I will participate in the procession as La Conquistadora is taken from her chapel in the Cathedral to the Rosario Chapel for the novena in her honor.)

A young priest talks about the generation gap in this article published on the Commonweal site.

I read a lot about the priesthood for personal interest and for my writing. One of my characters is a youngish-priest, post Vatican II and was mentored by a much older, much more traditional pre-Vatican II era priest. So, reading things like this helps give me insight to how my characters would be in the real world and also provides a look into the church of today.

I guess it's finally sinking in...

I hate, I hate... I really hate that I had a taste of something oh so sweet and oh so wonderful... I felt it in every being of my body. It felt like magic, it felt special, and I couldn't believe it was happening to me. I liked how it felt to be finally, joyfully, happily blissfully falling in love. Then it all turned so bitter, so wretched so fast, without any warning, without a clue. Suddenly, what I thought I had, longed for and found was gone.

I couldn't make him feel something for me that he didn't. I couldn't give him peace in his own life and I couldn't save what I thought I had, longed for and found. I couldn't save him.

It was over. Just like that.

God... I hate it. I really do. But more than anything, I hate that I'm thinking about it him. Again.

Man, I'm bummed about Senator Kennedy. I grew up in a family of Kennedy-esque Democrats. It's truly sad news. I was thinking about trying to find the photos I took of a rally where he was a speaker. I met him and his wife that day. I was in college so this was more than 10 years ago. I wonder what other photos I have that I took from that class. I wonder if I have anything worthwhile scanning?

I've been trying to take pictures more often, one to finish that photo meme I never did and because it's a fun thing to do. It's getting windy outside and the weather is changing again. We had a record high temp yesterday. It's still May, too early for 90* plus temps. Yeah, Global Warming isn't real.

Let's Go For A Ride

Father Daren Zehnle at the Sevant and Steward whose blog I stumbled on once before and again today by following a link from Ask Sister Mary Martha posted this meme and since I'm sitting at my office, procrastinating I answered it. I should get some lunch and then go to the gym.

Also, I think in time most of my blogging is going to be done over here instead of LJ.


What time is your alarm clock set to? One at 6:30 for Tues-Thurs and 7:30 in case I oversleep.

What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Eyes. Hair. Teeth. Calves (if I can see them)

Do you think people talk about you behind your back? Probably. Isn't that just part of life?
What movie do you know every line to? The Princess Bride, The Highlander

What is your favorite movie? The Princess Bride, It's a Wonderful Life and a whole bunch more.

Is anyone in love with you? I don't think so. I wish.

Do you eat breakfast daily? Usually a bowl of cereal at the least, sometimes not.

Do you sleep on your side, stomach or back? I go from side to side at night.

Who was the last person to make you mad? I'm not so much mad but have hurt feelings because of something a friend said. I took it too much to heart I guess. I'll get over it.

Are you a lover or a fighter? Probably a more of a lover, but I have some fighter in me.

Are you a morning or evening person? Night.

Are you a cuddler? No.

Are you a perfectionist? It depends, but yes, sometimes.

Have you ever written a poem? Yes, a few, they all sucked. I'm not fond of poetry.

Do you have more guy or girl friends? Girl friends.

Piercings? Five.

Do you have a tattoo? No, sometimes, I still want one, but I'll probably never will have one.
Are you patient? No.

Do you miss anyone right now? Yes.

Tea or coffee? Chai Latte. (Iced in summer. Hot in winter). Coffee Ice Cream.

Regularly burn incense? No. But I love the incense at Mass. Can't wait till the novena starts next weekend. There will be plenty of smells and bells.

Ever been in love? Twice.

Best room for a fireplace? Living room and/or master bedroom.

What do you do when you're sad or upset? Obsess about it. I should cry or work out. Praying might be another good option.

Afraid of heights? Just ladders.

Can you change the oil in your car? No.

Favorite flower? Violet

Favorite hangout? I don't really have one.

Middle name? Teresita

Most romantic sounding language? Spanish

Ever been overseas? Not yet.

Tag yourself if you wish.

Just got home from my walk... while I love walking and going to the gym, I'm terribly un-self-disciplined and never seem to go. I'm going to to try to do it every day. I know in a year it will be worthwhile and it will be a part of my lifestyle and I'll wonder why I didn't do it before.

I found "Jesus Camp" on the Biography channel. It's near the end but the last 18 minutes that I've seen have totally amazed me. I know the Evangelical movement in this country is-- I wouldn't necessarily say falling apart-- but it is not as strong as it once was. I may try watching the repeat but I'm not sure I can stomach it.

Mr. Sandman

It's 10:00 and I should be getting to bed. I need to start practicing, the Novena to La Conquistadora is coming up in about two weeks. I can't do 4:30 mornings if I don't get to bed early. I'm still very exciting like a little fangirl for this Novena. This year, I'll really feel like I'm participating, because I know what it's all about, my parish has a day and I'll probably walk in both processions. But here I am, two weeks out, and not getting to bed. Ok, tomorrow, I'll go to bed early. I will also go to the gym because the new skirt I want to wear on Sunday, is a snug too tight. Nothing like two weeks of waist whittling exercise to solve that problem. ;-)

Blogs, blogs and more blogs...

There's a new fun Catholic Blog out there. It's another in the line of new "Stuff (Insert Group of People Here) Like blogs. "Stuff Catholics Like" was started by a few notable Catholic bloggers on the Internets, with whom I'm familiar. And so far has been quite a fun read.

While it's not so dissimilar to apparently blogs of the same genre like "Stuff Christians Like" and "Stuff White People Like" it's more fun, well to me anyway. I suppose I'm biased.

I thought the stuff Christian's like is a bit too... something... generic, non-denominational, not quite catholic enough, who knows??? I mean, face it Catholics have ritual, tradition, sacraments, relics, grand Cathedrals, novenas, statues, and the pope... how can anything else compare?

However, I did find some mild amusement with the Stuff White People Like blog. I wonder if anyone has started the Stuff Hispanic/Latino/Mexican (pick your descriptor) blog yet? Me thinks, that would be a fun one.

Meanwhile, I will endeavor to add more blogs to my blog roll. I just wish Blogger had reader like LJ.

Sense of Wonder

This first is a snippet of a post I made on LJ earlier. I figured I might expand on those thoughts.

It was the first really hot day of the year. There was also no wind which to make it unbearable. I took the dogs for a walk, only Barkley wimped out on us, so Estrella and I brought him home, then continued on our journey. We saw the first coyote of the season. It was a scrawny little thing. It ran off when it heard us coming. As I'm walking the back forty of my subdivision, I noticed my church. Well, I actually noticed it the other day for the first time. I've lived in this subdivision 14 years and the church has been there for 15. It's amazing how this is the first time I really noticed it. Surely, I must have noticed it before? Strange after all this time I hadn't. It's a big church. It's about two-miles away from my house with lots of vacant land between where I walk and it. Anyway, maybe before I wasn't open spiritually and never really able to see it. I know most of you all aren't overly religious or don't follow any one particular faith. For me, I've always believed, though I haven't always practiced it. I've always considered myself culturally Catholic but now I'm a more than that, as I've gone back to Church. It's far from a perfect church and quite frankly, I will probably always have some issues with it, but it's the one that fits me best. Also oddly enough the things I thought I'd have issues with in the church aren't. So... I'm still a bit confuzzled about that.

I really enjoyed Mass today. Father gave a wonderful homily today. There are some days when I'm so focused and engaged in the Mass, today was one of them. There are days when he says something that resonates with me to my very being. It's sad to see so many empty pews. There are four Masses on Sundays, and the Vigil Mass on Saturdays. I hope the pews are fuller during the other Masses. I imagine come Monday Father is quite tired. There are other priests at my parish, but I think our pastor celebrates the majority of the Masses every week. And he doesn't get off weekends to rest, ;-)

I really love my parish and I do really love the Catholic Church. It's home. It's hard to believe that I left it for so long. I wonder if my coming back would have been different had I church shopped or joined some other church? I just always knew that I couldn't be any other religion. (Oddly enough, I answered a forum post a while back that asked if I wasn't a Catholic, what religion would I be? I was surprised how many people also said Jewish. Many based their answers upon the notion that neither Catholicism nor Christianity existed. That was the natural answer for them and for me as well. But for me... the question is really, could I be a non-Catholic Christian? I don't think so. Christianity for me is represented in the whole truth of Catholicism, so no, I couldn't be anything but a Catholic, most especially an Episcopalian/Anglican or a Lutheran, no matter how similar they are, they just aren't "Catholic" and there is no way I could join any other Catholic church not in communion to Rome, so no Old Catholic, SSPX or anything else etc. Orthodox is the exception. That's where I'd probably go.

Speaking of non-Catholic Christians, I went with my neighbor to hear Bishop Spong speak. Now, I knew who he was so I was prepared. He was speaking at a Santa Fe Jewish-Christian Dialog event. I went on Friday night and the best thing about the night was the Sabbath service at the Synagogue. There's lots and lots about him on the Internets-- google him-- to gage your own thoughts and opinions. He has critics and fans both. Still, I didn't find him to have anything mind-boggling or eye opening. I didn't find him to even be that credible. I wanted to be objective and open minded, but I felt like his ideas were either common sense or laughable at best. While, I'm not an apologetic or incredibly well versed in church history or the Bible, (I know some but nothing compared to others) I'm still learning on this exciting and mysterious journey . I didn't feel like he was saying anything earth shattering or enlightening. Still, I wish I had the ability to refute what he did say or debate him even though he didn't shake my faith.

I've read opinions and have looked up his thoughts and philosophies and while to some what he says sounds good, it sounds more like malarky to me. Maybe he's trying to shake the foundations of Christianity and looking for another reform, but it just didn't work for me. He spoke twice and I didn't attend yesterday where he espoused his opinions about the resurrection, crucifixion, Mary Magdalene. I haven't gotten a full report from my friend, but when I do, I'll probably write more.

Nonetheless, it was an interesting Friday-- as I said the Sabbath Service was the best part. It was beautiful.

Pictures of Me, You, Whoever....

I had no idea what Picasa was. I keep finding neato things. So... I have something new to play with. Groovy. I had a gallery and didn't even know it. So there isn't anything there but... there might be one day.

Sorry is the hardest word

Here's an actual copy of the letter Hagee sent to Bill Donohue of the Catholic League apologizing for his comments and remarks about the Church in the past. I hadn't read it before, but I had heard about his noble gesture to help the sisters in San Antonio and that he wrote a nice letter or piece about the pope's recent visit. While, I think it's a nice that he apologizes, I don't take it seriously. I still think it's all about timing and politics.

I've seen people jump to his defense about buying the property where the Ursuline Sisters were about to be evicted, he said they could live there rent free for 12 years, why not forever? That would have been a grand, Christian gesture.

Ok...I'm done. I'm cynical and jaded. That will probably never change.

Oh man... Dara O'Briain says it all...

My Catholic Funny of the day. Though, I must admit I saw it on another Catholic Community and didn't discover it on my own. The part about the "Our Father" cracks me up.