Saturday, May 31, 2008

Going there... only because... I have to

I am a masochist after all. So, today I heard more about how he screwed up again, and again. Of course, the one person I need to hear that from is HIM and I never will. My friends saw his old car and they talked with the guy who bought it. Of course, they asked about the kid who sold him the car and the guy who bought it told him everything he knew and what he said, how he felt bad for messing up things here, how he just needed to go home and he wanted to sell the car for his plane ticket.

All I wanted then was for him to tell me straight out how he felt. Oh yeah, guys don't talk about their feelings. He wanted to brood and be morose. I know he was struggling and I didn't want to pressure him. All I wanted was for him to ask me for help.

I go back in time and wonder if I did all that I could, if I was too strong and too pushy. Was it a mistake to tell him how I felt? Would it have changed things? At the time, all I knew was that I was falling in love with him and wanted him in my life.

I just wish she never mentioned this whole little incident. I know she means well, but every time she says she's heard about him, it just upsets me. At least I haven't cried! That's something.

With the kind of luck I have, all the parties involved will find my blog. ;-)

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