Sunday, April 13, 2008

And the Priest is on the Phone...

Man... I lost my post. My computer totally froze up on me. I must remember to always save a draft as I compose. It's such a pain in the ass.

Anyway, the original post started about music and I ended up talking about prayer and writing. I'm not going to recompose it well but I'll try. I started off by saying how I've been listening to the Goo Goo Dolls and Lenny Kravitz a lot. The title of this post comes from the song "Slide" by the GGDs. For some reason, I listen to them a lot when I write.

I was looking for a John Mayer song that I heard at a funeral last week. I wasn't sure if it was an older song or a newer one but it touched me. I did find it and am listening to it now. I've kind of discovered Corrine Bailey Rae. One night I had the blues and I heard one of her songs and it made me think things a bit more clearly. Men are so not worth crying over. My cousin who stayed with me for Easter gave me a CD from a Canadian Jazz singer named Molly Johnson. I like it a lot. It's on the stereo in the living room, but I should take it with me in the car so I really listen to it. She's Homicide actor, Clark Johnson's sister.

So... that was it about music. I then somehow segued into talking about my weekend. It was nice and peaceful, especially after a slightly stressful week. I really am not sure I can deal with having aging parents. I struggle with it a lot. I fear being alone when it comes time to take care of them and make decisions, but we're not there yet and who knows who's soul is yet to meet mine. Anyway, Dad had a hard week and I had to deal with a lot, but it went ok. I'm really trying to learn patience. I know as they get older, I'm going to need it more and more. It's something the priest told me to pray for when I went to confession before Easter. I hadn't gone to confession since I was a little kid and it was an awkward experience for me. I see value in it, despite the fact it's something that is intimidating and I'm not sure I'm feeling overly ready to go back. Still, maybe I will one day.

Right now, I am still struggling with prayer. It is hard for me as it was never something I really learned to do. I think I talk to God. I manage to pray at church and yet, I'm still struggling when I'm not in church. I picked up a Catholic prayer book, hopefully that will help a bit. Maybe I'll work enough courage to talk to one of the priests at my church to talk to them about it. I think it's important and maybe just talking to one of them will help. I'm not really struggling with my faith or questioning a whole lot, but I'd like to have a more successful prayer life.

As I'm still trying to recreate that last post, my thoughts rambled over to talking about writing. I've posted my fiction and have given a few people I trust access. I printed up pages of it for my friend to read. I truly worry that it's too Catholic and I'm writing myself out of a mainstream market. Of course, I know it's far too Hispanic and too New Mexican for a mainstream market. I probably am also writing myself out of the Chicano/a market too, as my characters don't really fit in there either. Oy... But at Borders today when I picked up the prayer book, I bought two more novels which I DIDN'T NEED to buy as I'm not reading right now. I skimmed through one, which was my plot. Ok.. not quite because my story is not set in Ireland. I should go back and look for it again. I hope that the brother and sister were not twins. The brother is a priest in that book too. Well... I'm not having any luck finding the author or the book. I really don't intend to buy or read it. My story is quite different I'm sure, but still I'm quite curious.

I've recreated this post as best I can. Now it's time for bed.

Despite that, the weekend was lovely. I made it to the gym on Friday, went for a walk yesterday and then went to the gym today. Tomorrow, I'll start the day with a walk and then see what else happens-- like work!

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