Friday, November 21, 2008

Well, It's Started

So today, I heard my first Christmas Song on the radio today. It was Mariah Carey's, "All I Want For Christmas Is You." I'm not a Mariah Carey fan at all, but I do admit that I really do enjoy this song.

I'm also feeling quite eager and hopeful for Christmas this year. I think I will put up my tree early this year. Last year it was a struggle to get it up and then to get it taken down. I really don't know why I feel so Christmasy right now. I have no money and bills to pay. The economy is bad. My parents are worried about money and the tenant renting our income generating property is struggling in this economy. I really worry that he will walk away leaving us in the lurch. I suppose I should pray for help, but sometimes, I hate praying for such "self-serving" things.

My love life is non-existent again this year, yet I'm used to that. I'm also pretty sure I can survive New Years.

But I have other things. I have good friends, my family-- despite being my family sometimes-- is happy, healthy and well. I'm doing okay in general and I'm fortunate that I have a home and people who love me. I have my faith, albeit, it's a bit shaky right now, but I do believe and I do want to grow stronger spiritually and truly understand what it all means to me.

While I know I'm blessed, I still think about what I don't have and wish otherwise. That's simply human nature. Hopefully one day, I'll find some of my prayers answered in a way that I'd like, but if they aren't, I'd like to be able to say that I can accept things as they will be. Acceptance is the hardest thing. Isn't it the last stage of grieving?


Garpu said...

I always feel ambivalent about Christmas. one big stressor (an in-law) isn't going to be an issue this year, but, meh. I always get a bit weary of the enforced happiness.

Maria said...

For the most part, I dread Christmas like crazy. I know this year, I won't have money to spent on gifts so I won't have to worry about that, and maybe I'll just get into the spirit without all the craze and stress.

It's still 34 days away. We'll see.